When I move to New York...

When I move to New York...

...
I'm going to be skinny and way more of a bitch.

New Yorker's are going to think I'm the brunette Rainbow Brite. They are going to be like, "Who is this chunky bitch wearing all of these bright colors?"

I'm going to be way more awesome.

I'm going to be an even more pretentious hipster.

I'm going to be way more of a slut.

I'm going to do things alone and not give a fuck.

I'm going to have an awesome apartment.

I'm going to photo-document this whole thing and publish it into a book.

I'm going to be way more of a narcissist.

I'm going to read more.

I'm going to have a smart, cute and nice boyfriend.

I'm going to listen to way more awesome music and go to a lot of shows.

I will be so happy.

I will still love Miami.

I will refer to my chonga slang as Miami vernacular.

I will still say bro.

I will have way more awesome clothes.

I will go to a lot of broadway shows.

I'm going to lay in the park on a beautiful blanket and read books and eat apples.

I will be a famous homeless lady, "There goes the bag lady that smells like rotten apples."

I will work at Starbucks.

At first, I will date a few douches.

I'm going to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. That's one of the first things that I'm going to do.

I'm going to go to Greenwich Village on Halloween and dress up in an awesome costume.

All of my Halloween's are going to be way more awesome. I'm going to decorate my apartment super spooky.

I will find a guy like Adam Sandler.

I will make sure that my next boo is sexy.

I am going to miss the beach.

My next boyfriend will be adorable.

I will experience way more art.

I get to hang out with my amazing NYC friends like Miss Becky, JoJo, and Luis!

I'm going to eat at Junior's Cheesecake

I am an adult now.

I support myself, I paid my way through college and I am moving myself to NYC. I have a great support system of friends and family that have helped me along the way however; I am the one who has the ambition and motivation to continue my success.

I have learned to ignore lesser bitches because I am a woman. People who play games are jealous and jealousy stems from insecurity.

I have learned that if you are insecure in yourself or your relationship there IS a reason for that. Always trust your instinct.

I have given 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th chances to people who don't deserve them because I understand that we all make mistakes. It's what you do with that second chance that makes all the difference but unfortunately, people will usually let you down.

There are some people who I will always love because I cannot remove the strings from my heart. I will always show them more grace than they deserve.

I try to listen to my friends without judgment because we all make mistakes by doing what we want rather than what we need. An adult already knows the right decision to make but will not always do so. A friend who will listen and accept rather than judge and preach is the person you can confide all of your secrets in.

I am learning to let my walls down and to be honest. I have gotten hurt this way but at least I am mature enough to realize that I went in with an open and honest heart. Can you do the same?

I make mistakes and I will not always do what's right but I can accept responsibility. I can take accountability for my actions instead of giving excuses like a coward.

This is why I can go to bed at night knowing that no matter what happened that day, I can start the next day with my head held high.

Can you?

Aging Positively

In an effort to write more...

At least once a day, my friends and I bitch about getting older. For example, I have had a pain on the side of my back since Tuesday. I have no idea what the hell I did to my back but damn it really hurts. My right foot hurts from my old ass gym sneakers. Here I am with stinky Tiger Balm tingling on my back and I'm walking around like the pimp with a limp. The funny thing is that I kind of like getting older. Don't get me wrong, most of the time I am really stressed out and I wish for the days that I could go back to living with my parents. Sometimes I wish I could have one month of living rent free under their roof. Every time I think about that, I imagine myself lying spread eagle on my old bed with the cold air that's paid by my parents blasting on my face. Sometimes that image is heaven.

Back when I could do that, I couldn't wait to get out of the house. I hated my old house. It was old and tiny and on this huge acre plus lawn. I wanted to live in an apartment. Now that I live in an apartment and not in a single-family ranch style home on a highly coveted piece of land, I realize what an idiot I was.

The point is that as I grow older, I get to know myself better. I am constantly figuring out what I want in life. I have learned from my past and now I try to choose the more responsible decision rather than the impulsive decision that I know will hurt me in the end. Well, most of the time anyway.

Something that I've learned as I get older is how important interaction with people is to our existence. I used to crave being alone. I still do but I need to have some type of contact where I didn't feel that before. Sometimes I will have customers come into my job and every so often they will share with us a story about their life. I have noticed that sometimes the story is told to exactly the right person who needs to hear it. One of my co-workers had a pretty hard time when her mother passed away. It seems like she tends to get customers who have also lost their mothers and I have seen her cry with customers and each time I feel like she heals a little bit. If I got the same customer, I would feel bad for them but I would not be able to share with their emotions like she could.

Every person in my job depends on me so much that it can be overwhelming. If I'm having a bad day, it never fails that I will have a day where I am pulled in a million different directions. Whenever I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point, I'll get one of my familiar customers and sometimes they will say something so sincerely that it really breaks me out of my funk.

I have this customer who always comes in after 4:30 p.m. Usually when a customer comes in that late, we let out a little groan. It's always that "late" customer who comes in and has a million ridiculous problems and makes us stay until after closing time. Anyway, this customer always comes in after 4:30 p.m. and she bounces in with the biggest smile. She is about 4 foot 10" and probably in her late fifties. She has short, curly gray hair and I know that she works in an elementary school. In my mind, she teaches kindergarten because I cannot imagine a more perfect kindergarten teacher. She hurries inside and she speaks excitedly with a bit of a girlish tone. She always apologizes for coming in late and she babbles on and on about how she's always so sorry that she comes in late but she had had to pay for her policy, etc. I don't care if I just found out that I had cancer, it is impossible for me not to smile when she walks inside. Her smile and her bubbly attitude are so infectious. She has no idea how many bad days she has saved me from just by walking in that door.

I think that we have all at some point saved each other. Whether it be the way we held open a door for someone or genuinely telling your friend that you accept them for who they are, we all need each other. That is why I sometimes find life so beautiful.

Shop for Charity

My friend Yoyo of topstitch.org fame is having her monthly donation day tomorrow, Sept. 2nd. She hand sews all these amazing products and lists them for sale in her artfire store. On most days she would profit from her sales – but once a month she chooses an organization to which she’ll donate ALL money made on items sold in her store that day.

This month’s organization is the Patrolmens Benevolent Association Widow & Childrens Fund based in NY. Please consider supporting small business and making a purchase to help raise money for this great cause! Choose from headbands, pouches, doggie blankets and more.

You can go and visit the topstitch store here:

http://www.artfire.com/users/topstitch

Remember, one day only for this month’s donation day – Thursday September 2nd!! Thanks, and happy browsing (and hopefully shopping!!)